Be active, resist and vote!

By Voices of Women | October 6, 2018 in SURVIVORSHIP, WOMEN'S EQUALITY

Hold Abusers Accountable By Electing More Women.

This is a painful and heartbreaking day. The Supreme Court has taken a hard-right turn and is in an all-out war on women’s rights. Here is what we are up against: a patriarchal system that seeks to silence women, take away women’s rights and reward entitled men who believe that they can abuse and sexually assault women while eating-up power.

We must fight back.

• A wave is coming on November 6, 2018. Be a part of it by learning about the women candidates running on 11/6/18 in your area: http://cawp.rutgers.edu/2018-primary-women-candidates-us-congress-and-statewide-elected-executive

• If you are as furious as we are right now, Donate $10 a month to the Voices of Women as we gear-up to provide critical training to survivors of domestic violence and help them share their stories. This November survivors’ voices will be heard loud and clear. VOW will make sure of it.

• Register to vote. For many today is the day to register to vote for the elections on 11/6/18, find out how at vote.gov.

Be active, resist and vote!

In solidarity,

Voices of Women (VOW)

Permalink | Leave a Comment

Kavanaugh attended a Catholic School.

By Tracy-Lee Neville, VOW member. | October 6, 2018 in COURT REFORM, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SEXUAL ASSAULT, VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN

Kavanaugh attended a Catholic school! So? What does that prove? Or even suggest? What came to my mind when I heard Kavanaugh state this, was that there are Catholic Priests who have sexually abused children.

Kavanaugh suggested that we listen to what people he has grown up with, dated, etc., have to say about him. That reminded me of the fact that in the case of men who are perpetrators of Domestic Abuse, often the horrors that happen behind closed doors are not known beyond the confines of the home. Furthermore, often the horrors could not even be imagined by people on the outside, including work colleagues and even friends. Abusers hide the evil side of themselves from the outside world. Of course!

My point: Kavanaugh may well have been a highly respected person by many people, for many years, but that does not prove that he never sexually assaulted any woman. The ex-boyfriend of mine who emotionally and physically abused me, was a medical student and became a Doctor of Medicine over the period of time that he was abusing me. At his workplace and out and about in public, he was charming, funny, very likeable. That was the Dr. Jekyll side of him, that I fell in love with.

Kavanaugh proudly spoke about his esteemed parents. So? He is not either of them; so, this is irrelevant. My aforementioned ex-boyfriend comes from an affluent, respected family. His parents are both Medical Doctors. They have a son who is a perpetrator of Domestic Violence!

Kavanaugh “traveled on Air Force One”. Again, so what? Proves nothing.

Kavanaugh suggested that this type of allegation that he is facing could dissuade people from serving the country. Umm. No. Not if they have nothing they wish to hide!

I noticed that in his opening statement, before being questioned, Kavanaugh stuttered when he said the word “deny”. Just an observation!

Permalink | Leave a Comment

The use of Restorative Approaches for cases of IPV?!

By Tracy-Lee Neville, VOW member | April 4, 2018 in CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

On March 16^th, 2018, a conference was held by the NYC Domestic Violence Task Force, to explore the use of Restorative Approaches to Intimate Partner Violence.

My question: Are restorative approaches a viable, sensible, safe option for supporting victims of Intimate Partner Violence, (IPV)? I entered the conference believing that they are not! I was open to being shown otherwise. The keynote speeches were excellent, and what I heard from the panel members about their work was wonderful. I could hear and understand that restorative approaches are successful with certain populations, in certain situations. For example, with young people in schools, when there are conflicts. I can also imagine success in the case where a crime such as a burglary has been committed.

BUT, what was barely mentioned was how anybody envisages, with any amount of clarity, restorative approaches being used in the case of IPV. I had been expecting, and wanting, to hear about some potential restorative approach models, specific to IPV, that had been thought up, proposed, by somebody. We could have then discussed those.

One restorative practice that was talked about a lot was the “circle”. Circles allow, possibly, for those in it to speak and listen to one another, in a safe place. Or is it a safe place?! I, as a survivor of IPV, know from my experiences and from hearing about the experiences of other survivors, that abusers are cunning, manipulative actors. Furthermore, they do not care that they inflict harm upon their partners. Do perpetrators of IPV want to change? In my opinion, they basically have no desire to stop abusing their partners. Are they even able to change, for the better? I highly doubt this.

“Circles”; Victim-Offender Mediation; Family Group Conferencing. Call a restorative approach practice what you will. When I heard people talking about Restorative Justice at the conference, I thought: “Sounds like Couples Counseling, or Family Therapy, to me!”

My conclusion: Use funds more wisely. Forget about restorative approaches; concentrate on improving the current systems.

Permalink | 2

Women’s March

By Anita | January 27, 2018 in SURVIVORSHIP, VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN, WOMEN'S EQUALITY

One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman” reflects Simone de Beauvoir in her book The Second Sex (1949), and I have been wondering of the wisdom of this sentence for quite some time. What does it take for a female child to mature into a woman, not only physically but also in a mindset?

I have been a daughter, mother, wife and partner, yet, I can safely say, the first time I really understood the price and pride of being a woman was when I realized I was in an abusive relationship and that I had to co-parent a child with the abuser. Not only was the abuse inseparable from the low regard the abuser had for me as a woman and mother of his child, but also from the lack of institutional understanding and support I suffered as a dv survivor at the hands of the Family Courts.

Fast forward, ten years later, I found myself marching in Washington D.C. on the day of Trump’s inauguration and a year later in New York City. It is incredibly uplifting to be able to march for women’s rights and see how our movement has united the progressive forces in this country. At the march in NYC, I saw people campaigning for the Dreamers, LGBTQ rights, the environment, free Palestine and more, all under the aegis of the Women’s March.

I felt a glimpse of hope, a shift in public discourse and accountability in the air. When I reached 45^th Street and heard a policewoman in her loudspeaker tell us “this is where the March ends but your fight will continue,” I could barely hold back my tears. Through hard-earned lessons, I can say, I have become a woman, not only in body, but also in the mind.

Permalink | 2

“Back To Work”

By G.D. | January 19, 2018 in DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, GENERAL NEWS, HEALTH, MENTAL HEALTH

I want to enjoy going to work, coming home, and leaving stress behind. That old cliché “Work does not seem like work” when you enjoy what you are doing rings true. After my abuse I realized that I do not want that 9-5 mundane job. If a job is a job, it is like a chore. I feel I have to give a percentage of my time and energy to produce an outcome that is rewarding and satisfying to others and myself. I had bad experiences with my supervisors or “bosses” that tried to be intimidating to the staff. I did not have personal days off and felt like the pay was not worth the sacrifice I was making. Currently, I am taking classes in writing, blogging, art, coaching, and public speaking, and workshops on entrepreneurship. I feel that being my own boss and having more “me” time is exactly what I was looking for. As children, many girls want to be teachers, nurses or moms. I used to be a paraprofessional at a school, a health aide in a home, and have a stepdaughter. I always knew that something was missing. “When you hit rock bottom a change can be good” – they say. I know my story is unique and is mine. Nobody can have the same story, even twins have different perceptions. I often give presentations on what happened to me and incorporate my drawings with my journaling in my talks. After falling ill and while on my path to recovery, I realized that less is more. My new “normal” is helping other abused women, giving back on Thanksgiving by serving, speaking about my story, and watching faces light up is all I can ask for.

Permalink | 3